Sleepless Minds
"There’s no way anymore - I’m done"
How Fortress Europe is draining the mental health of people seeking protection
Europe's restrictive asylum policy endangers not only the physical but also the mental health of those seeking protection. People trying to reach Europe are trapped in a state of limbo, without ever being able to arrive, to settle and build their own lives. Numerous refugees in Turkey live in an everyday life marked by violence, hope and lack of perspective. They repeatedly try to cross the border to Greece, survive pushbacks again and again, arrive back in Turkey, and are worn down in this never-ending cycle. But the systematic closure and discrimination does not only take place at the borders directly. Even in the "best" case, if someone manages to get to Greece without being pushed back, months of waiting for the asylum interview, the asylum decision, the recognition or rejection as a refugee, subsequent lawsuits, or waiting again for the receipt of the identity documents follow. The same happens in North and Western Europe. Even if someone manages to get to a European country and apply for asylum despite all the pushback, they still face deportation despite having clear reasons for their asylum claim. Even after years in Europe, people cannot fully arrive. This systematic devaluing and denial of fundamental rights and freedoms to shape their lives is a constant ongoing burden on the individuals concerned.
European policy thus imposes circumstances and living conditions that make the development of mental disorders and psychosomatic symptoms inevitable.
An example for this is the story of Mundir, a young man from Morocco. He came to Germany in 2015. He learned German fluently without official courses, found a circle of friends that replaced his family, and built a new life for himself. He found the love of his life and they moved in together. In 2019, after four years, the deportation notice arrived. Shocked, Mundir's friends advised him to hide. But he didn't want to slip into illegality, and he didn't want to leave his girlfriend. Torn apart, he was finally deported to Morocco. Only a month later, he couldn't take it anymore. He left Morocco again, has been in Turkey ever since, and has been trying again and again to get to Europe for over a year. He has experienced numerous pushbacks. By sea, and land. From Greece to Turkey, from Bulgaria to Turkey, from Bulgaria to Greece and then from there to Turkey.
“I don't know anymore... Everything fucks me off, really yes... I've been here for a year, I tried to get into Greece... But it doesn't work. Doesn't work for me honestly, I'm cursed or I don't know... For a year and I'm still here. I also want to go to Greece and on, Albania and this and that, a better life.... Not a better life, just a normal life. You know what I mean? Normal. I don't want a villa, a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, nothing, really. I just want a normal life. A job, a work, but abroad, not in Morocco or Turkey you know.
Because I know the culture in Europe, it's really nice and everything. Your Christmas too. Everything is nice there, really. And be happy, you too. You have to be happy, as a European you know what I mean? Really, if you are Arab, you have a shitty life, honestly. No work, no nothing. Poor family, this and that. And in my head honestly... my head is really fucked up honestly... I need therapy or I don't know you know... I had these fucking suicidal thoughts back then and now I have ... you know what I mean, these suicidal thoughts in my head... sometimes I want to cut myself, honestly really, I want to cut my legs or my arms... you know what I mean? And I'm scared. Not about the cutting, I don't give a shit about that. But I'm scared someday when I get married and have kids and stuff, and my daughter or my son sees that on my body... that's not nice, you know what I mean? I'm not a bad person.
And it hurts me very much and I feel very sorry for these refugees you know because too many people come back here to Turkey, like this boy of whom i send you pictures. Everything was broken, his legs and arms and everything. That hurts me too you know like I mean in the jail in Greece and how the Greeks beat the refugees and stuff. The Greeks can beat me as much as they want. No problem. Beating my head, making my body blue, it's not bad. But they do it to everybody, and there is nothing I can do about it.
It's already two o'clock in the morning. That's why I said you must be happy, and all those who come from Europe should be happy, you know, shit life... because I feel that, I feel that. For example: you finish your school, everything, until the end, you are done with school. Training done, and you wrote a lot of applications, resume and stuff, and you didn't work. That really sucks. What is that? That means you have to get out of your country, and far away, you know, and back. But how? That's so difficult.
And one more thing, and I'm sorry really. I don't want to say that. I'm really sorry. I cut, I cut myself. And then I cried. I'm really sorry. You know I hurt myself...it doesn't mean I'm a bad boy. But I'm a good man and I know that. I'm a good man. And I cut myself, you know... shit. I'm having suicidal thoughts. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. I've tried, but I can't do it anymore. Every door is closed in my face. Every door is closed. I don't have a way anymore, you know. I just want to find a good way. I don't have... I don't have...I can't find a way anymore, yeah. I just want a good way, but there's no way anymore, yeah...I'm done.
I cut myself again.... In my arm...It hurts me yes....
My head is starting to break. I remember when I was in Germany. You know what I mean? Always. When I go to sleep, in my head I only dream about Germany and Europe, really. I just want to get away from here. I cut myself again today, you know. I was ashamed, too. I'm ashamed. I'm sorry. I really need help, honestly. There's blood coming out of my arm right now, you know. And I don't want to do this, you know, but... you know, I got real pressure in my head. The shit's coming back...the suicidal thoughts, you know. It's still in my head. Really, help me, please..."
Europe's restrictive asylum policy endangers not only the physical but also the mental health of those seeking protection. People trying to reach Europe are trapped in a state of limbo, without ever being able to arrive, to settle and build their own lives. Numerous refugees in Turkey live in an everyday life marked by violence, hope and lack of perspective. They repeatedly try to cross the border to Greece, survive pushbacks again and again, arrive back in Turkey, and are worn down in this never-ending cycle. But the systematic closure and discrimination does not only take place at the borders directly. Even in the "best" case, if someone manages to get to Greece without being pushed back, months of waiting for the asylum interview, the asylum decision, the recognition or rejection as a refugee, subsequent lawsuits, or waiting again for the receipt of the identity documents follow. The same happens in North and Western Europe. Even if someone manages to get to a European country and apply for asylum despite all the pushback, they still face deportation despite having clear reasons for their asylum claim. Even after years in Europe, people cannot fully arrive. This systematic devaluing and denial of fundamental rights and freedoms to shape their lives is a constant ongoing burden on the individuals concerned.
European policy thus imposes circumstances and living conditions that make the development of mental disorders and psychosomatic symptoms inevitable.
An example for this is the story of Mundir, a young man from Morocco. He came to Germany in 2015. He learned German fluently without official courses, found a circle of friends that replaced his family, and built a new life for himself. He found the love of his life and they moved in together. In 2019, after four years, the deportation notice arrived. Shocked, Mundir's friends advised him to hide. But he didn't want to slip into illegality, and he didn't want to leave his girlfriend. Torn apart, he was finally deported to Morocco. Only a month later, he couldn't take it anymore. He left Morocco again, has been in Turkey ever since, and has been trying again and again to get to Europe for over a year. He has experienced numerous pushbacks. By sea, and land. From Greece to Turkey, from Bulgaria to Turkey, from Bulgaria to Greece and then from there to Turkey.
“I don't know anymore... Everything fucks me off, really yes... I've been here for a year, I tried to get into Greece... But it doesn't work. Doesn't work for me honestly, I'm cursed or I don't know... For a year and I'm still here. I also want to go to Greece and on, Albania and this and that, a better life.... Not a better life, just a normal life. You know what I mean? Normal. I don't want a villa, a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, nothing, really. I just want a normal life. A job, a work, but abroad, not in Morocco or Turkey you know.
Because I know the culture in Europe, it's really nice and everything. Your Christmas too. Everything is nice there, really. And be happy, you too. You have to be happy, as a European you know what I mean? Really, if you are Arab, you have a shitty life, honestly. No work, no nothing. Poor family, this and that. And in my head honestly... my head is really fucked up honestly... I need therapy or I don't know you know... I had these fucking suicidal thoughts back then and now I have ... you know what I mean, these suicidal thoughts in my head... sometimes I want to cut myself, honestly really, I want to cut my legs or my arms... you know what I mean? And I'm scared. Not about the cutting, I don't give a shit about that. But I'm scared someday when I get married and have kids and stuff, and my daughter or my son sees that on my body... that's not nice, you know what I mean? I'm not a bad person.
And it hurts me very much and I feel very sorry for these refugees you know because too many people come back here to Turkey, like this boy of whom i send you pictures. Everything was broken, his legs and arms and everything. That hurts me too you know like I mean in the jail in Greece and how the Greeks beat the refugees and stuff. The Greeks can beat me as much as they want. No problem. Beating my head, making my body blue, it's not bad. But they do it to everybody, and there is nothing I can do about it.
It's already two o'clock in the morning. That's why I said you must be happy, and all those who come from Europe should be happy, you know, shit life... because I feel that, I feel that. For example: you finish your school, everything, until the end, you are done with school. Training done, and you wrote a lot of applications, resume and stuff, and you didn't work. That really sucks. What is that? That means you have to get out of your country, and far away, you know, and back. But how? That's so difficult.
And one more thing, and I'm sorry really. I don't want to say that. I'm really sorry. I cut, I cut myself. And then I cried. I'm really sorry. You know I hurt myself...it doesn't mean I'm a bad boy. But I'm a good man and I know that. I'm a good man. And I cut myself, you know... shit. I'm having suicidal thoughts. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. I've tried, but I can't do it anymore. Every door is closed in my face. Every door is closed. I don't have a way anymore, you know. I just want to find a good way. I don't have... I don't have...I can't find a way anymore, yeah. I just want a good way, but there's no way anymore, yeah...I'm done.
I cut myself again.... In my arm...It hurts me yes....
My head is starting to break. I remember when I was in Germany. You know what I mean? Always. When I go to sleep, in my head I only dream about Germany and Europe, really. I just want to get away from here. I cut myself again today, you know. I was ashamed, too. I'm ashamed. I'm sorry. I really need help, honestly. There's blood coming out of my arm right now, you know. And I don't want to do this, you know, but... you know, I got real pressure in my head. The shit's coming back...the suicidal thoughts, you know. It's still in my head. Really, help me, please..."
